There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
