Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
