Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize