john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
