i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
