Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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