Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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