Your tits are I can't wait for
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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