Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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