so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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