i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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