omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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