Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
