I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
