tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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