Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
