Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize