If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
