if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
