i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
