Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
