I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
