It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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