Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
