1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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