Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
