I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
