i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
