im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
