omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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