Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
