I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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