I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
