I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
