I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
