what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
