I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
