I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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