I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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