I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
