Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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