This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
