can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
