I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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