Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
