Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
