I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
