She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
