I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
