life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
