I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
