I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
