Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
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