I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
