i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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