I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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