I'm gonna have a badass scar
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize