Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
