So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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