I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
