I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize