got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize