i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
