I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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