and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
