hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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